He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
