I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
