Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
