there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
