Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
