can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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