did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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