Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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