So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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