Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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