I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
