I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
