drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need to calm my uterus...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
