The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
