I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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