Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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