Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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