you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
