Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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