Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My friends, they love my intelligence
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he shaved USA in his pubs
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
