hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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