No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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