I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
