I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
someone owes me an orgasm
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
