So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
