Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
