i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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