In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
