if you like me you must not know who I am
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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