I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
