Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
