honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
