i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
