eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
