just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
