I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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