At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
