so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
