I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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