i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
