i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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