If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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