porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
