Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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