battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
