i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
