so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
