someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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