Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
