just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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