just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
