she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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